How do you plan a wedding when you're on different continents?

Well, obviously this depends on which continents you might be on, some being less accessible than others. I am in sunny Wiltshire. My husband-to-be, on the other hand, has spent all but seven weeks of our engagement in Iraq. There lies the potential problem. Communication. Skype is a wonderful invention, and had it not been for Skype, then my groom wouldn’t have had a great deal of input at all. The ball would have certainly been in my court. ‘Hurraah!’ I here some of you say, no grumpy grooms! We can make all the decisions! And in some cases, I’m sure that is definitely preferred scenario Number 1. The wedding planning experience may often leave grooms begging for a reprieve, and ‘guy’ time where they do just need to check that their manhood is still present. Decisions on centre pieces, colours of the bridesmaids’ dresses and hand-making party favours, meetings with the caterers and photographers all may just be one step too far. After all, shopping for a ring and plucking the courage up to propose was what we really wanted them to do anyway and they’ve come up trumps on that one.

So what about scenario Number 2? This is of course the scenario where your groom is equally as excited about planning a wedding as you and is eager to involve himself where possible. Believe me, it does happen, I’m engaged to one of these phantom grooms. There are of course parts of the wedding that he doesn’t have a great deal of interest in, choosing the colour scheme being one of them. Fine by me. It took me long enough to come to a decision on that one without the input of a man without such a keen eye for colour. However, when it’s come to injecting our personality as a couple, he’s been right up there with me, suggestions I’ve given often being met with, ‘Yeah! Let’s do that! Han, I love it!’

Skype has been our saving grace. Whilst some of the planning meetings I have had to do alone, he’s always been there, on the end of a keyboard, headset at the ready, to hear about progress on the wedding or to help me make a decision on party favours, or decorations for the bar. The Bar. That is his domain, eager to inject his own stamp on the wedding, he has come up with some great ‘alternative’ ideas which he is mightily proud of, all linked to our holiday to Maui last year, and actually, they’re pretty great.

For the most part, he has put up with my frequent and probably rather annoying Skypes about the minutest detail of the wedding. For that, I think he probably deserves a medal. It doesn’t matter whether he hasn’t had time to have lunch that day, or he’s just about to deliver a report he’s written, my future husband will make time to humour me on my next idea for the wedding. So perhaps that’s where being on different continents has worked for us. He hasn’t been here to have to decide whether to go to the pub or to stay at home and make wedding invitations, and when he has been on leave, he is has not had to be dragged to meet the caterer. He has come willingly… as long as I leave the little details to keep me occupied when he’s away. 

The Dress... Ssshhh, its a secret.

Right. The ceremony and the venue are booked, and there are a fair few months to go until the big day. Time to sit back and just enjoy being engaged for a while. There's no rush to get things done yet, is there? Er, yes! Time is often not on a bride's side when it comes to the wedding dress.

The dress is perhaps one of the most important aspects of bride's day. Being the focus of attention for a whole day tends to put the pressure on just a tad when it comes to choosing the right dress. My other half and I became engaged just weeks prior to our new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, so throughout my search for the perfect wedding dress, my thoughts strayed frequently to the then Miss Middleton who must have been feeling the pressure somewhat. Did she get it right? That question will probably generate many answers. However, in my opinion, she chose a dress, designed by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen, which epitomized elegance and reflected Kate's style which we have all come to know and love. The train was unstated but of a perfect length, the beautiful lace applique bodice, and lace motifs completed the dress which will continue to make headlines for weeks to come. It could not have been more perfect.

  

Obviously I am not going to give anything away about my dress just in case my husband-to-be happens to read this! However, it did take me sometime to make sure I had 'the dress'. The people you take with you on this very important day should give you an objective opinion. You don't want lots of 'oohs and aahh's' when actually what you're thinking is, 'Oh my god I look like a giant meringue, get me out of this thing now!' I was lucky. My mother and maid of honour told me everything I needed to know just with their expressions, particularly when the assistant insisted on putting me in a dress which looked like it had been spending time with a vagasil technician. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, watch an episode of 'The only Way is Essex'. You'll soon get the idea. As you might have guessed, bling is not my thing.

Despite not often agreeing with the dresses the assistants suggested I try, I realised how important it is to keep an open mind and remember that a dress on the hanger will look totally different when you try it on. I began the day with a very clear idea of what I wanted, having pored over many wedding magazines and cutting out many pictures of dresses which all had a very similar shape. So I tried on a dress with the cut I had described in great detail with many gesticulations. Once I had been strapped, zipped and pinned into it, I made my entrance to where my mother and maid of honour were patiently waiting. The first response was, 'it's nice but...,' and the sentence was never finished. The dress clung to every lump and bump that you hope to disguise on your wedding day. I don't even think that sucking-in pants would have done it and I have a perfectly normal figure with curves in more or less the right places. Let's be honest, 'sucking-in' pants are not something you want to wear on your wedding day - they don't exactly scream elegance, do they?! So I tried on a dress with a shape that would have, at the start of the day, probably given me a not so pleasant physical reaction. I was instantly silenced. The shape was perfect. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the dress, but it told me what I now had to look for. Even then I didn't rush out and get the next dress I tried on that I liked. It's so important to shop around. You'll know when you find the perfect one, you won't be able to stop smiling, and you will probably utter the word, 'princess' more than once!

One thing to bear in mind when shopping for the perfect dress is that bridal shops often only hold one dress of each design. The dress you choose will then be made to your measurements. Depending on the dress and the designer, this could take anything up to six months. Then you have to allow for adjustments. My dress still isn't ready yet, and it was ordered at the beginning of December. But I have my shoes all ready to go, so as soon as the phone rings, I can go and try on my beautiful dress and once again, feel like a princess. A tad corny? Probably. But you'll know what I mean soon enough.

Finding a venue is like finding gold dust. I'm not joking either!

Yes, there are literally thousands of wedding venues in every corner of the country. Do you go for a country manor hotel or city chic? What about a rustic vine yard in Italy or a vintage country garden? These were the very questions that we asked ourselves and went backwards and forwards many times on decisions. One day we were settled on a English country garden ceremony, the next day we'd be thinking 'screw this for a game of soldiers, lets just get married somewhere sunny by the sea!' How do you decide when there is seemingly every option of venue possible? Obviously part of this decision will hinge on your budget. Have an amount in mind when you begin as this will help to narrow your search down. However, your style and personality will ultimately direct you towards a type of venue and your wedding theme.

We knew that we could never really seriously consider getting married abroad as it would mean that many people who we really wanted at our wedding wouldn't be able to come. So we were back to a country wedding. Happy with our decision, I excitedly and a little somewhat idealistically, embarked on the venue hunt alone, my fiance having returned to Iraq. My search took me, in a virtual sense, all over the south and southwest of England. I was spoiled for choice, beautiful venues with cloisters or arches for civil ceremonies, or stunning gardens, I was drawn only to the unique. There were of course many hotels with 'wedding packages' that seemed to offer something a little different. But when the small print is studied carefully, do the restrictions become somewhat apparent: corkage fees or venue provided wine and champagne, often at inflated prices; limited menu choices; and a general lack of opportunities to inject some individuality. I thought that many were over priced, an example of a ever expanding wedding industry perhaps?

After many an hour spent glued to my laptop, I had a short list of  several venues to contact, all were nestled in the southwestern countryside and had that rustic country setting with a civil ceremony license that we were after. After the first couple of calls, I started to get disillusioned, particularly when the response from the venue often began with a little snort of laughter, followed by, "July '11?! You are joking, those dates have been booked for two years!" Oh. Tears and tantrums ensued. At this point I must apologise to my mother and fiance who bore the brunt of my frustrations. I am sorry. It will all be worth it, I promise!

Back to the drawing board. It was then that I stumbled across a venue in the town where I had gone to school, a beautiful old mill and garden. And it was free on our date. No, this was too good to be true. There must be a catch. Nope, the only catch was three other couples were chasing the same date that we wanted. Tactical talks took place, and after a very successful visit, the date was booked, we had our venue! Relief doesn't even begin to describe how it felt.

We are getting married at Gants Mill & Garden in Bruton, Somerset.
www.gantsmill.co.uk

So, you've just got engaged... What next?

Getting engaged is the most amazing feeling. Wherever and however the proposal happens, describing it as being on Cloud 9 doesn't even come close. I wanted to shout the news from the roof tops so many phone calls to my nearest and dearest were made!
Then it was down to business. We knew that we didn't want to wait too long to get married, so summer '11 it was. Being a teacher means that the summer holidays are the only real option if you want a decent honeymoon afterwards.
There are two options when it comes to setting a date and choosing a venue. If you have your venue in mind, then selecting your date comes next, obviously depending on the availability of the venue. Or, if like us, you are limited to a specific date, you need to find a venue to match your date, a task that isn't always straight-forward!